If you can't bungee, just LEAP...

As I meander through my own process of 'reordering my life and its priorities', I picked up this book by Sara Davidson. She was a successful writer in Hollywood until she turned 50, and, then, things seemed to fall a part, just a wee bit. She couldn't find work; her cowboy boyfriend left her; and the kids were well out of the nest. She talks about her process for picking up the pieces; moving to Boulder and falling in love again with what she does best-- Writing. She took the subject that was near and dear to her (since she was living it daily) and she wrote LEAP. Her stories, interviews and anecdotes are interesting -- especially since she's interacting with so many men and women who share her transitional retooling angst and come through it, for the most part, in a better place. It's well worth a read even if you're not rejiggering your life right now.
As I make my own shift into a new way of living, I spend lot's of time reminding myself what is most important. This, finally, is becoming clear. It's not important that we do what we've always done...work all day with limited flexibility, but good money. It's more important that we focus on how we want to BE in our lives and how we can be most adventurous on our own terms. That means finding and listening to ones own voice. Flexible time and schedule; loving who we work with; caring about the work that we do; making money by doing more of what we love and spending time with only those friends and family who we love and can support and vice versa. You find sometimes that not all your core team of friends/family can make the transition with you. They sometimes want to "hold you" 'where you are' or encourage you to default to what is safe-- because that's the you they know. Sometimes you need to say goodbye to some of them...
Maybe one day the proverbial "scorecard"will be turned upside down and you won't be measured by what you have in your bank account or by your fame -- but by the peace you feel inside for having made choices that are yours alone.

Another Quote

It may seem like a softball to use my time on this blog for sending along quotes, but some of them really lift me up. Like this one...

Read, every day, something no one else is reading. Think, every day, something no one else is thinking. Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do. It is bad for the mind to be always part of unanimity. - Christopher Morley

Have a fantastic day!

Quote of the Day

You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. - Jack London

LOVE AND LUNACY

Just returned from Italy, a crazy country that I love, but one which is full of frustrations, especially if you are trying, as I am, to build a house there with not enough time or money. It's a stop and start project and although progress has been dramatic since my last trip, the trail back to the beginning is a long one. In a rare gesture of practicality I met with three realtors in order to assess the current value of the property, just in case I want - or need - to sell it, and also to get some sense of what it's added to my net worth. The first realtor gave me a huge number, which I immediately dismissed as fiction designed to obtain the listing. But, admittedly, the numbers were swirling in my head - what I paid for the property, remaining mortgage and loan payments, commissions and of course, net profit. It all sounded so easy and so neat. The other realtors had other opinions, but in the end, it appears that after all is said and I done I could make a tidy profit and put a nice down payment on something closer to home, something that I could use, say, every weekend. I was ready to declare myself the Donald Trump of Umbria, buying and selling for a profit, congratulating myself on a savvy investment. Reality isn't often that simple, though. On the last day, I spent two hours at the house, taking photographs, measuring and laying out furniture schemes, breaking overgrown branches with my hands and cutting them off with a little scissors I brought from home just for that purpose - I was ripping at those things like Scarlett O'Hara tearing up the land at Tara. I'm sure I looked crazed. Perched on the newly created terrazzo overlooking the stupendous view, I said to myself, very Scarlett-like, "Shit, I can't sell this thing!" Thus are momentous decisions are made by quixotics. Sure, I can change my mind later, but for now I am back trying to earn more money so I can put in the windows and doors, which have been ordered but not paid for. And then there's the furniture....but I'm just putting one step in front of the other and walking....slowly.

Car 54 Where are You?

So...yesterday morning I dialed 911 (ok, I admit it was to find the address of my precinct, NOT an emergency...but they didn't know that!) and I GOT A RECORDING. HELLOOOOOOOOO...aren't they supposed to be the guys who jump on white horse/cars and rescue us in a minute. Rescue in minute! How is that possible if you get a 6 second recording?? I had to go file a police report for Grand Larceny to further prove the value, size etc. that was stolen from my bank account. But sitting in the police office for an hour is quite a trip...if you've never done it. First of all-- they need a bit of an upgrade. Not just on their dowdy uniforms (just kidding) BUT...my two biggest observations were these: Number 1-- They had two guys in the office trying to figure out what VIRUS they had on their computers. I asked if they had virus software and they didn't know. HELLO...you're a police station. If someone steals your information we are all screwed. Number 2-- They had a 'block' on on line games. Okay...the funny thing about that is this. The SCAM front is AN ON LINE GAME. So the detectives have to leave to figure it out. They are concerned some of the guys will abuse their game priviledges. Go figure!
Just wonder sometimes who makes the really big decisions out there. Hopefully...this is the end of my scam reporting live from Musings from the Matress.

Rage and Sadness and Bears, oh my...

What a lousy heading, no? But...I have been wandering between those first two powerful emotions for about two weeks now. First -- sadness around loss and THEN this past week I found myself raging at some poor sap in India who happened to answer my call (a fraud unit in India??) when I found out my entire checking account had been zapped by a new scam --- making micro debit withdrawals in miniscule amounts until there is nothing left. Citibank had actually allowed this scam to zap $4,000 OVER and above the amount in my checking account. Not only had Blizzard.com (the fraud front) made over 1,000 debits of $19.92,$19,99, 22.49 etc ...but Citibank had not blocked it until I went in to make my debit!!! A new scam which quietly eats away at your account until the final 3 days when they go in for the whole thing. Here's the thing...NOW when I'm not in rage or sadness...I'll need to be in hawk paranoia state to make sure that my identity or credit or dog aren't stolen by some mystery ick people who prey on those of us that aren't super watchful. So here's the moral of the story...Check your backs. Check your bank accounts. And....when that's all good...Check your mood. There is way worse stuff that can happen, so celebrate the days when you're feeling great, your kid is cuddly, your dog is happy, your family and friends are healthy and your pockets are full. You never know what's around the corner...so gratitude for a day that's good, great, without drama...is a day to celebrate. That's my only way out of the rage and sadness, no?

Where we find our Energy...

Yesterday I had lunch with a woman who runs her own business, has two young children and co-manages her household with her darling husband. I told her she should write a book on being an entrepreneur. She said...yeah...The Exhausted Entrepreneur. It made me think of all the different ways we get TIRED. And then...the good tired vs. the ick tired vs the depressed tired. Lately I've been in this transition mode of moving from Corporate life to the 'pre-entrepreneur' stage -- testing whether I'm ripe to 'do it on my own'. I keep wondering if I have the passion and energy for all my ideas...and if I'm tired now will I be really, really tired when I'm putting all my ideas into motion. I guess the answer is YES...you will be tired. BUT -- the feeling of being engaged in what you really, really care about is a GOOD tired. It's a full tired vs. the empty tired you feel when you're in transition or dealing with loss or just plain tired of what you are doing (bored!). Moving forward in a direction that is of your choosing is energizing...even if it is exhausting. So, I say to my friend and sister in law...the Exhausted Entrepreneur...it's darn good to be loving what you are doing so YES, you should tell your story!

On Losing Someone you Love

I realize that one of the 'things' that happen as we get older is that we seem to confront loss much more frequently. Yesterday, one conversation revolved around a discussion with a friend who said he'd lost 4 friends in their 50's to 4 different types of Cancer. So Sad. Another conversation was about a man who just lost his 49 yr. old wife to Breast Cancer last November. Also Sad beyond imagination. My question is this...how do we go through great pain and come back to the place where we are happy and courageous and can move through the pain with dignity and grace, honoring those we lose. I hear about all these losses, and I think...I can surely move quickly past my own pain at losing my beloved cat, Simba, who passed away yesterday. Do I blame the bad Doctor who made two crucial errors last month? Do I blame myself for being in LA when he got sick again? Do we need to blame anyone? Does that give more comfort or more pain? We always go through that what if stage...what if i was home? What if I had chosen a more exerienced specialist? And...then...you never know. You only know that you are sad...and smarter for next time. Between meetings I'd sneak up to my room and do a mix of meditating and crying and then get back out there. Now... I know that losing a pet is not like losing a spouse, a child etc. But I do wonder how people deal with loss-- how they move through the day when they are feeling heavy with pain. If we want to connect more deeply, our mourning will be more deep as well. This is the unfortunate result of loving deeply. Do you have thoughts on this?

Circling the Issues

I used to be fairly indiscriminating when it came to those nearest and dearest. Meaning, everyone was my "best" friend, "good" friend, "close" friend. And every problem that needed attention, be it from my friends of my family or my co-workers, was a problem I needed to help solve. Needless to say, it was a drain on my energy and I lost focus on myself for a good long time. Until I met Lesley Lupo at Canyon Ranch.

According to the Canyon Ranch brochure, Lesley is available to read your Tarot cards. After day 3 you're looking for an activity that doesn't involve 6 AM or pounding music or beading classes, so I signed up.

I don't remember what I expected, but this was not the East Village storefront experience. Lesley was very warm and friendly and surprising. We got through the main event...you'll be happy to know that my life is pretty much on track as she laid it out...and then we started talking about specific issues that came up in the reading. Specifically, my perceived role as "caretaker to the world", and how that role is stunting my personal growth. She gave me a tool that has been tremendously useful.

I drew a circle, which represented me. And around it, a series of concentric circles. Four or five of them. Then she asked me to make a list of the people in my life. And then to place those people on the circles, with the truly nearest and dearest in the closest circle, and moving the rest out to the other circles based on a variety of factors. My factors included things like needy, inspirational and entertaining. It sounds like a simple thing, but it helped me align my priorities with my goals and to surround myself with people who could help me reach those goals in a very visual way.

Give it a try. I bet you'll surprise yourself!

Quote of the Day

I saw this quote and thought, whatever the application, it was relevant for this blog...

It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety.

Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992)

Male Ego...

I like men. A lot. But the experience I've been having this past year with my Vets must be happening to remind me that I must be more respectful of their fragile egos. Hmmm...first I have a Vet who is considered one of the top vets in the city BUT he happens to be 'uncomfortable' consulting with a Female Vet who specializes in an area that he doesn't. He's busy, busy, busy and doesn't have time to go into details about a pet turning diabetic. Just give him insulin. It'll be easy. So I switch to another wildly personable Vet-- who comes to your home. Hmmm...now this one is thoughtful and responsive until I start asking too many questions. Under his direction and care my pet was hospitalized twice within a month (price: $2,300)-- so one might think it's okay to ask a few questions; question a few decisions. No? Yesterday, two female doctors at the emergency hospital sat down with me for almost an hour and went through the bell curves, the problems with hard to regulate diabetics, strategies for testing new insulin...etc. etc. So...the wildly personable Vet doesn't 'like' one of the Dr.'s and says to me...better lucky than smart...use her. Good luck with your pet. Fragile ego?? Perhaps just a wee bit.
Here's what I think though...the combination of intelligence and the ability to nurture-- the combination of which is somewhat unique to women (not all the time...but often)-- are what make women so effective in so many professions. This is great news for women of all ages but especially for women who are older, wiser, and intelligent from their years of experience. Imagine what they can contribute when they put their hearts and minds out there!

ROLE MODELS

Helen Mirren, Meryl Streep and Diane Keaton all looked sensational at the Oscars. (Okay, I know Meryl wasn't the best dressed, but I think she looked great anyway). Sexy, vibrant, glowing. There is really something about these grown up babes, the wisdom on their faces. And when an older woman looks great you know that she's earned it and isn't just coasting on the good fortune of having been born with high cheekbones or pouty lips. At a show like the Oscars, it's easy to focus on youth in all its physical perfection especially when it's costumed in a couture dress and Harry Winston earrings. But these women bring another dimension to the proceedings, a very healthy dose of reality in a sea of glittery fantasy. You know all those "aspirational" magazines designed to make us feel bad because we don't look like the 16 year old model in the $20,000 dress? Yeah, they're fun to look at as long as we don't take them too seriously. And lately I find myself leafing past the editorials and looking for the travel notes or film reviews. Because it seems like the only people who could wear the clothes are models, not living, breathing, working humans. So it was nice - no, it was great - to see women in their 50s and 60s comfortable in their bodies, looking fabulous and strutting their stuff!

Quote of the Day

You're never too old to become younger. - Mae West

ON MY OWN

When Norma Kamali opened her business in 1978 she called it OMO - On My Own. It was a bold declaration of independence and strength. Recently I've had occasion to think about what it means to be on my own, as I build a consulting business, moving forward without the weekly paycheck or the protective arms of an organization providing me with health insuranc,e paid vacations and an IT department. I can just imagine what it's like to make a major investment in a retail store and put one's designs out there for the world to accept or reject. But we live in a wonderful time, when it's possible for a woman to do virtually anything she sets her mind to do, so it's meaningful when we allow ourselves to dream big. And if that involves taking risks, pushing ourselves to way past our comfort levels, creating lives that we ourselves have designed, we mustn't allow fear to have its way with us. Katharine Hepburn always said she was afraid of everything, she just didn't let fear stop her. That's a remarkable statement coming from a women who everyone considered a paragon of self-possession.

Recently I was speaking with an old boyfriend who still advises me occasionally on business matters. My anxiety about work kept coming up, and in attempt to manage it, I mentioned that people often compliment me on my brilliant ideas. "Of course they do," he said. "You should expect to have brilliant ideas. You should have a sign that says 'I have ten brilliant ideas every day' right on your desk where you can see it all day long."

So I've added that to my daily affirmations. Because actually it's true, but I need to keep reminding myself.

Alice in Wonderland's Response to Rachel's Post

In "What Would You Do", Rachel said her reason for not doing things before was her 'thinking' that she couldn't -- or not believing in her ability to do things. Nelson Mandela's quote the other day was about fear...and how we should not be afraid of our greatness and how it doesn't make sense to stay 'small'. So...isn't it great that we can go from Rachel Glickman to Nelson Mandela to Alice in Wonderland all in ONE blog! Here's what Lewis Carroll wrote about doing the impossible.
"There is no use trying," said Alice. "One can't believe impossible things." "I dare say you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." Lewis Carroll

What Would You Do?

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want to accomplish. It's a pretty long list. Some of it's checked off (see picture of me flying over Cabo San Lucas in an Ultralight Plane), but more has been put off as a result of my own inability to believe I could do it. I won't bore you with the full list here. I'm working on posting it on my personal blog for all to see. For the GingerSky fans, here's the challenge..List 3 things you want to accomplish this year. Write them here, or in a notebook, or on a scrap of paper taped to the fridge. My top 3 things have been accomplished. I'm writing a blog, I got rid of my SUV for a hybrid, and my dog Lucy has passed her therapy dog training. (OK, I spent a long time setting up for success in 2006!) Here are my next 3 things...

1. Finish Decorating/Organizing My Home
2. Write a Novel
3. One great adventure trip (Patagonia or Machu Picchu)\

A Villa of One's Own

Thursday, February 15, 2007

I've been chasing a dream for the past five years and since it's taking so long to realize, I do, from time to time, wonder if I'm totally nuts. I purchased a property in Italy that needs complete restoration, and not being rich, I've had to follow a start-and-stop regimen that typically leaves me either elated or frustrated depending on what mode the work is in. The thing that keeps me going is envisioning that first alfresco dinner in my garden, under the fig and cherry trees, overlooking the magnificent panorama of hills and rivers, surrounded by the colorful Italian acquaintances I've been accumulating with every subsequent visit, my global network of friends and colleagues who are either full or part-timers in Italy, and the loved ones I can entice to travel there, as I did a few years ago for a big birthday celebration. This house has become like a child - it has to a great extent determined the direction of my life, it consumes my financial resources and it embodies my dreams for the future. In New York I couldn't buy a parking space; but in Italy, I am a landowner. There is a great sense of identification and empowerment tied into owning a house and a piece of land; a place that is yours to live in or open up to others; to build and decorate in ways that are meaningful to you; to make beautiful and productive; even to sell when the time comes and recoup your investment. And when the journey takes time and is full of stops and starts, there are countless opportunities to learn lessons about life, choices, resourcefulness, persistence and resolve, attitude and beliefs. You can't really learn this stuff from reading books. I may be nuts, but one of my favorite quotes has always been "If you believe you can do something, begin it; boldness has power, magic and genius in it". Just don't be too attached to expectations of what will happen after you begin - you can never know; but you can be grateful for the opportunities that follow.

Letting Go...

It's early on a frosty Thursday morning in NYC. Why does Winter have to be SO Cold? Ahhh...but that's not the topic this morning...though I would LOVE to let go of winter by jetting off to St. Barts for the duration.

This is a quote that I kept in my office for the last hundred years I've spent in corporate america, and it still reminds me to let go of the stuff I can't control (and controlling how things go isn't an issue for the rest of you, is it??!)

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense". by Emerson.

How Men Think

In the early days of the internet the working population of most web business was largely female. Save a few early visionaries (Case, Leonsis, Filo and Yang) there were not a lot of men who were willing to forfeit the cushy jobs and big expense accounts to take a chance. At AOL alone I think most of the first 50 employees were female. And they were spectacular, smart, innovative women. Jan Brandt, Audrey Weil, Jeane Villanueva, Amy Arnold.
Once these companies started to get a little exposure and some serious Wall Street attention the men finally showed up. And the first thing they did when they got there was to install other men in leadership roles. Regardless of the fact that the women in place had laid the foundations brilliantly.
This is not righteous indignation. I don't think falling victim to a persectuion complex is productive. I just wonder if there are lessons to be learned here. The same way the internet boom/bust in 2001 has fueld pragmatism in the current frenzy over digital media, shouldn't we do a little forensics on how we let a multi-billion dollar industry slip away from the original power base? My unscientific observation is that many of our peers were too willing to step back into subservient roles once there was really big money on the table. Perhaps a fear of failure. Or maybe they just got shoved aside so the boys could take the big payday. Whatever it was, we need to learn how to accept and, more importantly, actively promote ourselves and our abilities and accomplishments. Men do it all the time, whether they deserve the credit for successes or not. It's a lesson to be learned. Think like a man, but with that feminine twist that they won't see coming. Because not only do WE not think like THEM, but they haven't a clue how our minds work. And this, in the words of Martha Stewart, is a very good thing. A very powerful thing.

Composing a Life...One Step at a Time

I had this curious innner dialogue yesterday (yes...chatting with myself) after a conversation with a friend in his office at one of our favorite TV Networks. He's one of us...so to speak...but he's a gingerstew boy (beefstew?). He's been working for what feels like a hundred years and he's burnt toast. Bored. BUT...he's doing it because he's committed to the house in the burbs, vacations, college fund, etc, etc, etc. It's also nice to have a job that gives you a 'calling card', so to speak, so that's a nice little perk as well. But there's still the issue of that darn soul. It does seem like a luxury to be able to do a full 'about face' based purely on saving your soul, (happiness, that is). People would laugh, of course. BUT...what if we really had the power to do only that which makes us happy -- and everyday we had fun and 'our step' had a little zip in it (you know...like in mary poppins land!). What if...we could set an example for our children and our friends and family that you really CAN compose a life based on choice, fun, meaning...hmmm.

Another (beefstew) friend of mind saw Maya Angelou speak yesterday and she said we all have the power and the obligation to 'compose our world'. "All of us, by grand and even small acts of kindness and wisdom, can and must effect the lives of others".

So...here's to living a live of love and meaning...one step at a time. Happy Valentines Day!